Again, I'm afraid this is going to be another slightly negative post - I haven't had a great day today so far. I had a crap night's sleep courtesy of an active mind, a bird in the house (thanks cats) and a cat fight outside. I've woken up feeling a bit weak and feeble today and I'm not quite sure why. Nothing I can completely pinpoint, but I just don't feel 100% - nothing hurts, bp and pulse are great (bp a bit on the low side - 113/66 for example, pulse around 55). I've taken all the tablets I'm supposed to, but I just feel a bit waffy, and I don't like it.
Of course, this sets one's mind into paranoid mode, so you are constantly on the lookout for signs, symptoms that might indicate heart trouble. I had a twinge at the top of my left shoulder, not the same ache as the pain that took me to hospital, but it was enough to send me into panic. I literally had the GTN spray open in my hand at one point, but decided I'd wait. I haven't tried the GTN spray yet, and if I'm honest I'm scared to. It can give you a throbbing headache and make you dizzy, both things that I'm really not keen on - light headedness is probably my big hate, but then again it is better than another heart attack.
I tried to rest, but couldn't settle so in the end I decided being busy was perhaps the best way to distract myself, so I've done some housework, I've got the tennis on (Raonic vs Federer in the Mens' Semi Final at Wimbledon) and here I am updating this blog. It has helped to take my mind off the fretting I was doing, so I think it perhaps was the best plan. I feel ok, but just not as good as I have on other days. I know that that is how life goes - even if you haven't had a heart attack you have days where you feel good and days where you feel not so good, but getting used to days where you don't feel so good in the context of having heart trouble is scary.
On a lighter note, J won the cup at school this morning and it was lovely to be able to be there to see him get it. He was a little shocked and very pleased, no doubt he'll be asking for extra pocket money when he gets home. I am really pleased as it was for putting great effort into all his work, especially in literacy - and over the last few days I've noticed a change and he seems to be getting the reading bug, which is great to see. He's really progressing with his reading and writing, and seems to be enjoying it which is good. No doubt M will be feeling hard done by because he didn't get an award today, so I'll have to deal with the fallout from that. S is taking the boys to Energi later which is a new trampoline park that has opened in York this afternoon. I'm really anxious about it because S is going on the trampolines as well - I can't remember the last time he did strenuous exercise, and given what has happened to me recently I'm very jumpy (*excuse the pun). I've told him my worries and he's basically dismissed them, so thanks for that! I'd have preferred it if just the boys went but it does look like fun so I can see why S wants to have a go.
Anyhow, tomorrow is another day and lets hope I feel better than I have at times today. My PMA seems to have deserted me a bit at the moment, it all seems too big, scary and daunting. Must do better....
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