It is fair to say that as time goes on since the heart attack I've got more and more questions. It is true that once you leave hospital you are to a great degree, on your own. If you want support you have to ask for it, which is something that I find really difficult - I don't want to waste people's time, and also don't want to put people out. It seems that this is something I'm just going to have to adjust to and get used to. So after my post on Friday, I managed to get myself just about together, I spent the rest of Friday pretty much torturing myself - why wasn't I feeling right, was it going to happen again etc etc.
Saturday and Sunday passed by quite uneventfully. The boys had a good weekend - M got a bronze medal in his archery shoot, and they both enjoyed the karate party and got a little award to recognise them being at the club over the last year. And we will have our pictures in the paper - there was a photo of all students at the karate club and that includes me.
I still have had a few iffy moments where I've felt scared that the twinge I've had in my arm/tummy/chest is something sinister - but it is hard to know what is anxiety driven and what is a real symptom and what is to do with the heart attack. Not good obviously because I don't want to be stressed.
On Monday morning it was time for another blood test, as they are still titrating my dose of Ramipril up, and need to check my kidney function before increasing the dose to ensure that my kidneys are coping with it ok. I chatted to the nurse about the anxiety, having twinges etc and she was lovely and urged me to ring them or come and see someone if I am worried - in my situation they wouldn't see it as being a nuisance. She also sneaked a thyroid blood test on there, as I've got a sneaking suspicion that my levels are over what they should be - I could be wrong, but I wondered if that might be contributing to me feeling jittery and anxious.
But questions... what are my chances of having another heart attack, what am I likely to be able to do - will I be able to work full time again, what exercise am I allowed to do.... they are perhaps the big ones along with what is my life expectancy and things like that. Others are things like how do the different meds work, when might doses need to be adjusted, what side effects should I just put up with.
It is hard to put all this to the back of my mind, but as I don't have a health professional on tap, that is what I must do. Today's activities include getting my unkempt eyebrows waxed and shaped, and going to the podiatrist because I have a sore heel. I may report back later...